July 31, 2008

Bad Days

I don’t know if my fibromyalgia is being aggravated by my period this month or what, but it seems to be an awful combination. These past 2 days have been pretty miserable for me.

Yesterday morning I met with Amaset to do some shopping for supplies for our upcoming workshops at festival. I was in an FMS fog most of the time, having trouble thinking clearly and just in lots of nagging, dragging pain. I used the shopping cart to help me walk, because my energy was so low and my arms and legs ached and felt like dead weight and I was feeling nauseated from the pain.

Luckily we finished sooner than we thought, so I left early because I still had some other errands to accomplish– but all I could think about was crawling into bed, so I used that promise to push myself through the rest of what I needed to do. I had to have lunch while I was out, hungry but nothing sounded good to eat because of the nausea. Hoped eating would help me feel better, but other than helping with the headache, I was still in bad shape. Even driving the car was tiring, my arms and shoulders pulsing with pain– turning the steering wheel felt like such a huge effort. Went to the bank and ran a couple other places and came home, took pain medication, undressed and crawled thankfully into bed for the rest of the afternoon, hoping when I woke up I’d feel better.

I promised Firehand we’d go look at shower pans for the downstairs bathroom last night, so I got myself up before he was home from work. I felt slightly better than earlier, but still in a fog and absolutely exhausted despite my nap. We went to a couple of places to look at shower pans and then had dinner. Nothing sounded good to me, I had no appetite and just picked at my food, brought most of it home with me. More pain meds and went to bed and slept like the dead all night, for which I am thankful, because often when the pain is this bad, I’m unable to sleep.

I thought I was feeling better when I got up this morning, but that didn’t last very long. I was up for a little while, but freezing and aching, so went back to bed. Now I’m up again, but hot and aching and sick to my stomach with this dragging pain. And so tired.

You know, I try not to gripe about this, because nobody really wants to hear it, but sometimes it is so bad and I just wish I could explain how bad it is to someone and how much it drags me down. Not for sympathy, but just to know that someone gets it. Because feeling this bad and hearing dismissive crap from people who don’t get it just makes me feel incredibly isolated.

I am planning on going to bed early, and hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day.

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